The Abbess of Crewe – Muriel Spark (1974)

 

One of the novellas I read in November for #novnov was The Abbess of Crewe a Muriel Spark novel I had been meaning to read since the read-a-long I hosted in 2018. Beneath the oddness and the wit in Muriel Spark’s novels there is usually something rather dark or disturbing going on, and this one is no exception.

“The self-controlled English sun makes leafy shadows fall on this polished table and across the floor. A bee importunes at the window-pane. The parlour is cool and fresh. A working nun can be seen outside labouring along with two pails, one of them probably unnecessary; and all things keep time with the season.”

Famously of course, The Abbess of Crewe is a satire on the Watergate Scandal – which was very much still a hot topic in the newspapers at the time the hurriedly written novel came out. I was a very young child during the Watergate Scandal, my knowledge of it coming from that film All the President’s Men when I was in my teens or early twenties. I don’t have a detailed, encyclopaedic knowledge of who did what, when etc – and when reading this novel that doesn’t matter at all. This edition comes with an excellent introduction written by Ali Smith at the end of which she provides a list of the probable equivalent roles of Spark’s characters to the real life figures they parody.

Muriel Spark replaces the American seat of government with a nunnery in the north of England. The politicians and their aides with nuns. It could only really have come from the extraordinary mind of Muriel Spark – and of course she does it well. While it might not be my favourite Spark novel – there is so much to admire in this novel, the clever plotting and detail that make it very much a part of a recognisable Sparkian world.

Following the death of Hildegarde the Abbey of Crewe is in need of a new Abbess – and an election will be held. There are two contenders for the role – Alexandra and Felicity. They are very different women; Alexandra is very traditional, part of the old guard. Felicity is free-love loving, consorting with Jesuit priests and keen to make big changes. Alexandra and her hangers on are trying to manage the coming election – and are concerned as Felicity appears to be gaining in popularity.

“Walberga says sharply, ‘This morning the polls put her at forty-two per cent according to my intelligence reports.’

‘It’s quite alarming,’ says Alexandra, ‘seeing that to be the Abbess of Crewe is my destiny.’ She has stopped walking and the two nuns have stopped with her. She stands facing them, drawing their careful attention to herself, lighthouse that she is. ‘Unless I fulfil my destiny my mother’s labour pains were pointless and what am I doing here?”

The abbey is bugged as part of the process of ensuring that Alexandra becomes the Abbess of Crewe. Walls inside and trees outside are all wired for sound – and the sisters in the abbey are all unknowingly assisting in the wiring. Alexandra listens in to the recordings, ready to use anything she hears to her advantage. Keeping a close eye – and ear – on all the sisters, and visitors to the abbey. Embracing the twentieth century the sisters are given courses in understanding electronics and surveillance. During mealtimes, where the nuns sit in silence they listen dutifully to bible readings, which will suddenly go off into little bits of technical instruction – slipped in subliminally – and apparently not noticed by the listeners. Another thing these poor unsuspecting sisters don’t notice is the food they are subjected to – heavily disguised pet food is dished up each day. Food Alexandra considers perfectly nourishing, it is of course bought cheaply in bulk. Only Alexandra and her minions know what is going on.

When Felicity’s thimble is apparently stolen from her sewing basket – it unleashes a nationwide scandal. However, it is her love letters to the Jesuit priest Thomas that both Felicity and Alexandra are most concerned about.

“…a Jesuit, or any priest for that matter, would be the last man I would myself elect to be laid by. A man who undresses, maybe; but one who unfrocks, no.”

After all it was Alexandra who instructed two young Jesuits to retrieve the letters. The missing thimble draws Felicity’s attention to the letters having been touched by someone other than herself. Suddenly, the abbey is under all kinds of scrutiny after Felicity calls the police and flees the abbey.

Alexandra is a brilliantly drawn character – I have seen reviewers refer to her as Nixon (or even Trump) in drag which is really quite funny. A power hungry megalomaniac who will do anything to get what she wants; she manipulates all around her.

This novella is brilliantly imagined, laugh out loud funny with a touch of something a little darker. Living in a world where political scandal is not just something that happened in 1970s America – this sharp little novella remains as relevant as ever.